Cubicle Sweet Cubicle

I grew up loving movies. I’ve always enjoyed almost any form of cinema. I’ve even gone through a misguided mumblecore phase in college, every bit as weird as it sounds (let me google that for you: MUMBLECORE). 

Being so in love with movies, I was privileged to grow up smack in the middle of the 90’s film renaissance. I don’t have any idea if that’s what people actually call it, but 1999 alone was just a fantastic year for films. The Matrix, Fight Club, American Beauty, The 6th Sense (proving M. Night really was, at some point, roughly 15 years ago, a film maker), The Iron Giant, Office Space...The list is huge. And they were all so good. They also, had a theme of sorts running throughout. Not all of them of course, but the really big ones that I loved and continue to love today centered around neutered, frustrated male protagonists who weren’t necessarily all that likable. Office Space, Fight Club, American Beauty, all featured this raw exposure of normal men that felt  important. It was formative in a way. Those movies made me swear off the whole corporate, cube dwelling, mouse in a maze junk before I even understood what any of it was. I hadn’t even driven a car for a full year, but I knew I didn’t want to be like Peter Gibbons, or Lester Burnham, or Thomas Anderson before he met Morpheus and became Neo.

I would totally be Neo.

But now, I’ve succumbed to the corporate demigods I’ve always feared. Unilaterally eschewing my childhood convictions in favor of…. adulty things. Like food, and a house, and 401k’s and boring boring life junk. And you know something? It’s not half bad. I like my admittedly drab cubicle. I enjoy walking down to the water cooler and standing there whilst talking about the weather. The weather. I sound 40. 

I’ve made some great friends here, learned a great deal and found a passion for some of this computery stuff I didn’t realize I had. In short, while it’s definitely not the dream I grew up with, I’ve found a passion for where I am now. 

As those movies from my youth gain more and more relevancy. Office Space isn’t as funny as it once was. It’s too reflective of real life. Fight Club? Less, “whoa dude, we should start a fight club!” and more like getting chewed out by Brad Pitt for my life choices for an hour and 45 minutes. I know what a duvet is, I’ll go get the lye. 

I don’t feel as though this particular unease is uncommon. Especially as I watch more and more of my friends get “real jobs” (whatever that means) and start doing the typical adult things we swore to avoid when we were younger, more brazen and a great deal more idealistic. We all want to feel as though we can still be defined by something beyond the work we spend at least 40 hours a week doing. And yet, there’s a pride in being good enough at something to merit having a title. 

And getting paid. 

That part is important. 

So the dichotomy is something I continue to wrestle with. I don’t know if that ever goes away. Maybe that’s good.

What I do know is that everytime my cell phone rings while I’m at work, I pop my head just barely over the cube wall to scan for signs of Mr. Smith while holding my breath hoping to hear Morpheus on the other end of the line. “Follow the white rabbit, Derek.”

But most of the time it’s someone more akin to Milton just asking about a stapler.

tl;dr: childhood movies completely nailed my adult psyche, which probably means I’m the chosen one.

I owe the motivation and inspiration for rebooting this whole writing-on-the-interwebs thing to my friends at http://moderndaybronte.com/. Three talented women writing in very different styles on one great blog. Check it. For reals